i figured it out.
see thread "nobody likes me" if you don't know what i'm talking about.
the problem is that i put some relationship status for all race at the begining of the game so it does two things.
1 - it shows where the territory for each race is on the mini map so i can look at it in the begining to see if want that map or not.
2 - the u p meetings are full.
the problem i am having is that every race declares war on me within the first 30-40 turns. and when one does it, they all join in. and i mean like within the same turn. i was trying to build up peaceful relations with all of the races, but they don't take me seriously because i don't even have weapons researched. neither do they, but they still see me as weak and declare war.
so be careful if you do what i do with the relation status at the begining of the game. unless you want to fight every race at once in the begining of the game.
all this means that the u p meetings should be full from the begining of the game.