First of all, if you don't like map position, ctrl+n will generate a new map with the same galaxy setting, so you don't need to restart. It's a lot faster. Granted, it's also a bit abusable, but until a better placement system is put in place, it can't be avoided.
Second, the reason why they are out tech-ing you is because they are trading technologies with one another. If you have money to spy on them, you would see that their research spending is abysmal when compared to yours, however, if one develope a technology they will trade it to other people for other technologies or cash. So if you don't do the same (trade with them), you will have to compete technologically with not just one AI, but all of the AI at once. You're not alone in this, most new players run into this problem and has no idea what's going on and will start screaming that the AI is cheating (I'm glad you're not one of them BTW), when they are just using diplomacy to their advantage.
To keep up in technologies, you have several options:
1) Tech trade like they do, simply go talk to everyone you meet, buy/trade for all their technologies, and then turn around and trade/sell it to everyone else before they can (I call this strategy tech whoring). In fact, in the official 1.0x, tech whoring can be used to the extreme to beat the AI silly. This has been addressed and won't be so powerful in later versions.
2) Focus heavily into research. I believe this is the strategy you are trying from your description, however you have to understand that this method won't pay off until the mid-late games when the technology costs a lot more than the beginning. When that happens, the AI takes dozens of weeks to research anything, so even if they trade with one another, you will still come out on top.
3) Steal technologies. There are two methods to stealling techs, the first is to put lots of money into spying, and when you get to "advance" espionage, you will have a change to steal technologies from the AI, this method is a little random though. The second method is through military conquest, because everytime you successfully invade a world, you have a high chance to steal technologies as well.
4) All of the above. Essentially, this is what a good player uses. Heavy tech trading at the beginning to balance out the tech advantage, then switch to a research mode, or a military mode to take the rest by force, or both, and spying on the side because you want the knowledge anyways.
As for playing tips...
1) Military Rating: To inflate your Military Ratings, build a spin control center and omega defense system on the same planet, then put all your strongest ship in there. It should make it look like you have 2-3 times your best ships. Great if you're doing the diplomacy/culture route.
2) Economy: One of the most important aspect of the game is not how many research worl or manufacturing world you have, but how many you can afford to run. That is to say, it doesn't matter if your planets are full of research center if you can only spend 50%. In this case, it would be more beneficial to have 3/4 the amount of research center, and put that 1/4 into money production so that you can spend 100%, and thus research 150% of what you did before. To do this, it would be wise to set aside your larger worlds for economic production only. These worlds will probably have 2 farms, enough morale centers to keep them happy, and the rest stock exchanges.
3) World build up: Instead of your current, factory, econ center, farm, try: factory, factory, econ, econ, farm. One factory takes forever to build anything, and there's no point in putting that farm up early, so only do it when your population is about to reach maximum. Don't bother with planetary defense installations, they are pretty much useless (except for the Omega Defense System, which is used in conjuction with the Spin Control Center to jack up your military ratings). Just build a military starbase that covers your planet, and then put up a fleet outside the planet if you're desperate, although one small defender in orbit with full military starbase support will probably be more than enough.
If you can master these aspects, I guarantee you will be able to beat the intelligent AI in a fair start.