Am I looking at this in the wrong way?
In large part...yeah, I think so.
i agree. i take a very different approach to playing GC2 than some others. i play for fun, which means sometimes i purposely shoot myself in the foot or do something foolish, to see what kind of challenges it sets up for me (for example, i modded the hyperion shipyard to also add a 20% ship bonus, and decided to build my entire fleet of warships on the planet that bore this shipyard, a planet which i renamed Utopia Plenetia. i only let the rest of my planets build defensive ships, mostly fighters).
but moving past that, yes the choices you make matter, including in the early game. on my first couple games of Dark Avatar, i found it was better to stop myself at a certain point in the colony rush and start teching up. it just depends on how you want to win. it's not difficult to develop an early military supermacy and take some of those worlds your opponents colonized from them and then shift back into solidifying your industry, economy and technology.
i feel that i observe lot of people who say that every game (or the early part anyway) is the same, that these people are often trying too hard to 'do everything.' on easier difficulty levels, this is possible. but when the computer opponents aren't nerfed, you really have to make some difficult choices about how you want to achieve dominance. these choices aren't easy, either. when i started the game, i felt i had to do everything.
it was about DL 1.3 that my mentality changed. i was playing as the terrans, backed somewhat into the corner by the nearly omnipotent drengin - and then i discovered the tech that gave me nano rippers. everything else in my empire fell to the side as i produced medium ships armed with these things. i beat back the drengin and got enough worlds that i was perfectly able to catch up in other boards. after a little while of that, i realized i could have easily began a campaign to take over the rest of the galaxy. just to give you a sense of where i was, i hadn't even researched trade yet - and i never did.
the bottom line is that i find the game to be a lot more fun if i'm not assured a victory. the boredom of the early game turns into a sense of urgency. give it a try at a tougher level!