Well, before I offer advice, I'll admit to being biased... I think the Iconians are a poor race, and have thought so ever since DA. So take this with a grain of salt:
trade is going up (with starbases)
Often trade takes more than a year to start to break even, so this is a money sink at first. How long are your games?
and Im wondering if I NEED to build multiple moral buildings and/or farms on every world?
This depends, are you running at a 79% tax rate and happy with your morale? If not, time to build more morale buildings. As for farms, keep your pop range in the 9-15 billion ish range on every world, through a mix of bonus tiles and farming techs.
and extra econ buildings wherever I do have the realestate to spare.
This needs to be a priority.
Do I NEED to keep fleets small and shove obsolete units into a war to get rid of them?
Yes.
the Iconians as they sit are in dire need of some balancing.
They have been at the bottom end for quite a while. They were almost the Grand Galactic Losers!
Any thoughts, ideas, or most especially tried and proven strats
I don't know what difficulty you are on, but trade trade trade. Not the freighter kind, the trade screen kind. Whore out your techs to as many civs as possible to get the cash you need to hit your enemies hard. As usual, the more planets you have the easier it gets with them.
Also, check your economy screen (the one with the triangle around the stack of coins) - where is the money you are spending going? Leases? starbase upkeep? ship upkeep? production? That should tell you a lot about where the fat you need to trim is.
Hope that helps,
~ Wyndstar