Often times, if your technology isn't too far behind the AI's, a player can attack a civilization with a far higher military rating and be ultimately victorious. Likewise, a civilization might not see that they are in a bad situation because their military rating is still above their opponents.
The lack of impact of the military rating does have a bit to do with humans being able to concentrate forces better or build better ships, but I think that the biggest part of the issue is that attack ships and defense ships are considered the same! If a player was to build as many defenders as the AI does, they would be finding the rating more accurate, but my fleets at least are almost totally offensive in nature. I'll often find that the most powerful civilization will have over half their military power sitting in orbit where I can pick it off at will.
A few possible solutions that occured to me:
*Have the AI reduce the number of defenders it wants to build
*Have the AI defend with ships that have engines, so that they can be brought out to attack at a moment's notice.
*Disregard ships that are unlikely to leave orbit in military power calculations