You're gonna get as many different things here as there are posts, but my $.02 for what its worth. Note that with version1.1 population is going to be a huge factor and therefore morale also is a key.
I play almost all my games on huge, the last 4 games at crippling difficulty and working up the difficulty ladder (Played masochistic in Gal CIv I eventually). I'm also a warmonger. I use 7 AI. The more AI the less room each has at their early disposal. I like to start with Ion drive but if I don't have it when I start I get it quickly. I set my tax at 49%, production 100% with military at 60, social 20 research 20. I want to find and get to those good planets and resources fast.
I upgrade my scout, constructor and colony ships to be faster than the AI, speed 4-5. My scouts also get range. I buy a scout on turn 1 or 2 so I don't waste valuable constructor and colony moves looking for a place to land and resources to mine. Try to settle the higher PQ, contrary to the others I'll go down to PQ 8 initially and pick up the lower PQs later thru colonization or culture flipping.
Economy starbases in your core empire are valuable as they increase your military, social and research rates and will help later increasing the value of trade routes. I don't build military starbases until a little later and only where I think the AI will bring an invasion fleet. As mentioned earlier, when you get military weapons the Defender will become available. Plop one on each planet if you get threatened or whenever it is convenient to you. Also, threats are just that. I tell em to "go away" the first time they try to threaten me and then throw down some defenders.
Don't build your capitals until you have your core explored/colonized and then evaluate all your planets. I hate it when "one last planet" has +700% manufacturing and I already have a Manufacturing Capital.

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You can keep up in research and even ahead by trading with the AI. You also see what techs they have and can tell a little of what kind of ships they like. You and the AI need Planetary Invasion to be able to get troop transports. If you don't have planetary invasion, watch the AI "Trade" list of techs. They can threaten all they want but if they don't have planetary invasion then so what. They are not capable of waging a war until they get it.
Galactic BAzarr, available with Master Trade, is a huge help in trading.
As far as build order on planets I'll get a morale booster then a factory up early. Then I want to put up a bank or two. All my 9+ planets get a starport early on, either my first or second build. My PQ 5,6,7 [lanets get almost exclusively research buildings and then focus on research. Make sure you use those bonus tiles early and for what they help with. Don't put a farm on a plus manufacturing or research tile. That's the AIs trick (stilll).
Use the focus on top of your planet screen. If you want to get buildings up quick on a new planet, buy a key building (factory) and focus on social. If you need those ships quicker and can't buy them, focus on military.
I find this works for me to get a solid foothold in the universe before I start sendng "guests" to the AIs areas.
Once I have colonized the planets I'm going to I drop my military, usually settling in at a balanced 34/33/33 except when circumstances (key tech, project, war) dictates othrwise.
Good luck and keep at it. One of the best games around imho.