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A quick joke

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A quick joke

from GalCiv2 Forums
What happens when you put French bread next to German bread?

The French bread surrenders!   
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66,799 views 87 replies
Reply #26 from GalCiv2 Forums Top

I made this one up -
No one is sure where the word "Algebra" really came from. The debate still continues in dusty professorial clubs across the world. Some say from the Arabic language, some say from Greek, but here is the real story.
Long ago there was this mediocre King, and he wanted desperately to be remembered for something, but he just couldn't think of any way to do that. One day, he heard some people talking about the cool formulas for figuring out things the sailors were using. How to tell how high a mast should be for a certain amount of sail, stuff like that. The mediocre King thought ... "A Ha!" Then he put his talents to work. He hired a bunch of scribes, sent them all out on the ships for 6 months to a year with pen and paper, and told them to report back as soon as ther ships returned. While out on the ocean, the lubberly scribes observed and noted many new and wonderful things. When they returned the mediocre King locked them up in cells in the dungeon, one by one, as they returned with the valuable info. When they all were back, and he had the notes to compile the Book that would make him famous, and just before he had them all done away with to protect his reputation, he felt a sudden stab of compassion. He gathered them all together in the main torture hall and spoke to them, saying: "You have served me well, and I will allow you a great honor in return - I will let you name this new science, just before I have William here chop your heads off. What name shall the world know this wonderful science by henceforth?" One and all, the poor little doomed scribes whispered " Algae Bra! Algae Bra! "


I don't get it.


It needs a little work, but "Algae Bra" = Algebra, they were trying to make the name of the science really screwed up so that it wouldn't be accepted...
Reply #27 from GalCiv2 Forums Top
I was trying to shorten it, maybe too much got lost in the process. Anyways, imagine way back when in the Mediterranean, the Phoenician sailors just starting to make trade happen, and they were inventing all this new stuff while they learned how to do it better. The formulas for increasing efficiency of ships, the engineering, making ships carry more and go faster ... etc. Algebra is used for figuring out how many square feet of sail there is, what height the mast is (something to do with the triangle thing), how much cargo will fit in a ship that has such and such a beam and length ...

The joke is, after being on a ship for 12 months with a bunch of sailors, and being locked up in the dungeon for who knows how long right after that, I think I'd be a little obsessed with the memory of the mermaids in their little dinky algae-bras too.

BTW unless I'm mistaken, there actually is, or was, such a debate over the origin of the word Algebra.

Sorry, I'll do better next time!
Galactic Civilizations IV
Reply #28 from GalCiv2 Forums Top
I think I'd be a little obsessed with the memory of the mermaids in their little dinky algae-bras too.


Now it makes sense...

Reply #29 from GalCiv2 Forums Top
Anyways, imagine way back when in the Mediterranean, the Phoenician sailors just starting to make trade happen, and they were inventing all this new stuff while they learned how to do it better.


I heard that the Phonecian empire was the only nation in the mediteranean to survive the dark ages?
Reply #30 from GalCiv2 Forums Top
Anyways, imagine way back when in the Mediterranean, the Phoenician sailors just starting to make trade happen, and they were inventing all this new stuff while they learned how to do it better.


I heard that the Phonecian empire was the only nation in the mediteranean to survive the dark ages?


That's interesting ... I'll look it up. If you would also like to, then perhaps you might enjoy reading the excellent factual information available on Wikipedia.  Wikipedia is the BEST SOURCE for info on ANY SUBJECT you care to be informed about! Here's a link to Phoenicia on Wikipedia for y'all. (english) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phoenicia (You can read info in any of, I dunno, 10 or more different languages. Just select your language and read the facts. It's SO COOL.

Reply #31 from GalCiv2 Forums Top
Wikipedia is an all time fav of mine. It was bookmarked the day i first got net. Love the site, if your bored you can always read something on there...
Reply #32 from GalCiv2 Forums Top
Yes, they have entries on just about everything...and did any of you know that ANYONE can edit the articles or add thier own? It's really cool if you know something they don't...just don't vandilize, or you'll get banned.
Reply #33 from GalCiv2 Forums Top
and one more joke:

I was taking a walk in the woods last week, and I saw a huge hoe in the ground. wondering how deep it was, i picked up a rock, tossed it in and listened. Nothing.
I found a bolder and rolled it in. Still nothing. Distraught, I wandered around looking for something else to throw in, when I find a STOP sign. Wondering what a stop sign is doing in the middle of the woods, i throw it in. Nothing. Suddenly, a goat comes running out of nowhere like a bat outta purgatory and jumps in the hole. Nothing. Just then, a guy comes walking out of the woods and asks me, "Hey, kid, you seen my goat?'
I say "Uh, yeah. He jumped in that hole!" The guy says "No, he's tied to a STOP sign right here."
Reply #34 from GalCiv2 Forums Top
He jumped in that hole!" The guy says "No, he's tied to a STOP sign right here."


HAHAHA nice!

The irony of being dragged along by a stop sign of all things is not lost on me either.

Stop signs being placed in stupid locations where they are not needed, is certainly somthing which is easy to believe, very easy to believe!

Speaking of stop signs and jokes.... here in Australia, if vandals destroy stop signs at an intersection and the police here about it, the police will then go there and proceed to book people for not stopping!

They take advantage of some idiot rule that stop signs being vandalised is no excuse for not stopping. Now that IS a joke!
Reply #35 from GalCiv2 Forums Top
He jumped in that hole!" The guy says "No, he's tied to a STOP sign right here."


HAHAHA nice!

The irony of being dragged along by a stop sign of all things is not lost on me either.

Stop signs being placed in stupid locations where they are not needed, is certainly somthing which is easy to believe, very easy to believe!

Speaking of stop signs and jokes.... here in Australia, if vandals destroy stop signs at an intersection and the police here about it, the police will then go there and proceed to book people for not stopping!

They take advantage of some idiot rule that stop signs being vandalised is no excuse for not stopping. Now that IS a joke!


I'm quite sure (snif) that the City Council is unaware of any such silliness, and will continue to fund the salaries of the police as previously noted. In spite of any spurious comments from individual trouble-makers among the general polulation (snif).
Reply #36 from GalCiv2 Forums Top


When Apollo astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind" statement, but followed it with several remarks; usual com traffic between himself, the other astronauts, and Mission Control. Just before he re-entered the lander, however, he made the enigmatic remark "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky."

Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs. Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky" statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled.

On July 5, 1995 (in Tampa Bay, FL) while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26 year old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded. Mr. Gorsky had passed away, and so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question.

When he was a kid, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His friend hit a ball which landed in front of his neighbor's bedroom window. His neighbors were Mr. & Mrs. Gorsky.

As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky, "A ****job?! You'll get a ****job when the kid next door walks on the moon!"
Reply #37 from GalCiv2 Forums Top
I'm quite sure (snif) that the City Council is unaware of any such silliness, and will continue to fund the salaries of the police as previously noted. In spite of any spurious comments from individual trouble-makers among the general polulation (snif).


LOL

well in Australia the councils don't pay police salaries, but they do pay parking inspector salaries! And they do put stop signs in stupid locations, usually at intersections where you can clearly see traffic. This results in us poor motorists being able to see the gap in the traffic which we will then have to miss out on because we have to stuff around stopping for no reason.
Reply #38 from GalCiv2 Forums Top
On July 5, 1995 (in Tampa Bay, FL) while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26 year old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded. Mr. Gorsky had passed away, and so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question.

When he was a kid, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His friend hit a ball which landed in front of his neighbor's bedroom window. His neighbors were Mr. & Mrs. Gorsky.

As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky, "A ****job?! You'll get a ****job when the kid next door walks on the moon!"


 
Reply #39 from GalCiv2 Forums Top
Two leprechauns walk into a convent to visit the Mother Superior.
The first leprechaun asks, “Mother Superior, are there any leprechaun nuns in this convent?”
Mother Superior answers, “No, there are none.”
The first leprechaun then asks, “Are there any leprechaun nuns in this county?”
Mother Superior answers, “No, there are none.”
The first leprechaun then asks, “Are there any leprechaun nuns in the whole of Ireland?”
Mother Superior answers, “No, there are none.”
The first leprechaun then asks, “Are there any leprechaun nuns in the United Kingdom?
Mother Superior answers, “No, there are none.”
The first leprechaun then asks, “Are there any leprechaun nuns in Europe?
Mother Superior answers, “No, there are none.”
The first leprechaun then asks, “Are there any leprechaun nuns in the whole world?
Mother Superior answers, “No, there are none. I have not known of any leprechauns to answer the calling and take the vows.”
The first leprechaun turns to the second leprechaun and says, “See, I told you! You’re dating a penguin!”
Reply #40 from GalCiv2 Forums Top
Does anyone know why there has never been a woman to land on the moon?




Because it doesnt need to be cleaned...

Thats my sexist joke for the day, I'm off to my corner.
Reply #41 from GalCiv2 Forums Top
Two leprechauns walk into a convent to visit the Mother Superior.
The first leprechaun asks, “Mother Superior, are there any leprechaun nuns in this convent?”
Mother Superior answers, “No, there are none.”
The first leprechaun then asks, “Are there any leprechaun nuns in this county?”
Mother Superior answers, “No, there are none.”
The first leprechaun then asks, “Are there any leprechaun nuns in the whole of Ireland?”
Mother Superior answers, “No, there are none.”
The first leprechaun then asks, “Are there any leprechaun nuns in the United Kingdom?
Mother Superior answers, “No, there are none.”
The first leprechaun then asks, “Are there any leprechaun nuns in Europe?
Mother Superior answers, “No, there are none.”
The first leprechaun then asks, “Are there any leprechaun nuns in the whole world?
Mother Superior answers, “No, there are none. I have not known of any leprechauns to answer the calling and take the vows.”
The first leprechaun turns to the second leprechaun and says, “See, I told you! You’re dating a penguin!”



that's a great joke!  
Reply #42 from GalCiv2 Forums Top
This is a great one to tell to kindergardners:

Wanna hear a dirty joke?

A white horse fell in the mud!

Reply #43 from GalCiv2 Forums Top
The first leprechaun turns to the second leprechaun and says, “See, I told you! You’re dating a penguin!”


    
Reply #44 from GalCiv2 Forums Top
Here's some for the kids.

How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ears peirced?
A buccaneer.

Why did the melons have to get married in church?
Cantelope.
Reply #45 from GalCiv2 Forums Top
his famous "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind" statement


I was very interested to hear recently that, after analyzing the audio feed, some knowledgable people somewhere have concluded that he actually said, "One small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind." The "a" appears to have fallen out due to it not being loud enough, IIRC. If you listen to it again, notice a little blip between "for" and "man". I was convinced, at least.
I hadn't really thought about it before, but the quote makes much more sense the "new" way.


Great jokes, all! Keep 'em coming.

Reply #46 from GalCiv2 Forums Top
heres a seriously lame joke...

Three men are fishing in a boat, and one guy say's he's board. As time goes on the board guy begins to complain more and more about how board he is until finally he jumps out and starts swimming to shore. One of the guys still in the boat then comments "he's overboard".
Reply #47 from GalCiv2 Forums Top
Here's joke I just made up:

How can you tell when you're REALLY drunk? When you mistake a telephone poll for Hitler!
Reply #48 from GalCiv2 Forums Top
How can you tell when you're REALLY drunk? When you mistake a telephone poll for Hitler!


Or when you mistake a telephone booth for a toilet!!
Reply #49 from GalCiv2 Forums Top
Here's a 'knock knock' joke my brother taught me recently:

Knock, knock!

Who's there?

Interrupting cow

Interrupting cow who? *

Moo! *

*However in order for this to be even the least bit funny, you must have proper timing. It's an iterrupting cow, right? So as the 'victim' starts to ask "Interruting cow who?", interrupt them by shouting MOOO as loud as you can. It should go like this:
Knock, knock!

Who's there?

Interrupting cow

Interrup...

MOOOO!!!

Reply #50 from GalCiv2 Forums Top
There once was man named McSweeny
Who spilt some gin on his weenie
Just to be couth
He added vermouth
And slipped his wife a martini