This is a transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation between a US naval ship and Canadian aurthorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995.
Canadians: "Please divert your course by 15 degrees south to avoid a collision."
Americans: "Recommend that you divert your course by 15 degress north to avoid a collision."
Canadians: "Negative. You have to divert your cour course by 15 degrees south to avoid a collision."
Americans: "This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course."
Canadians: "No. I say again, divert YOUR course."
Americans: "THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN. THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE BY 15 DEGREES NORTH, I SAY AGAIN, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP."
Canadians: "This is a lighthouse. Your call."
(this is from when planes had round dials, captains and navigators)
The crusty old-timer captain is breaking in a brand new navigator.
the captain opens his briefcase, pulls out a .38 and rests it on the glare panel. He asks the navigator, "Know what this is for?"
"No, sir," Replied the newbie.
"I use it on navigaotrs who get us lost," explains the captain, winking at his first officer.
The navigaator then opens his flight bag, pulls out a .45 and sets it on his chart table.
"What's THAT for?" queries the surprised captain.
"Well, sir," replies the navigator, "I'll know we're lost before you will."