But I wore the juice!
Praise undeserved is satire in disguise
from 
JoeUser Forums
JoeUser Forums
In 1995, McArthur Wheeler walked into two Pittsburgh banks and robbed them in broad daylight, with no visible attempt at disguise. He was arrested later that night, less than an hour after videotapes of him taken from surveillance cameras were broadcast on the 11 o'clock news. When police later showed him the surveillance tapes, Mr. Wheeler stared in incredulity. "But I wore the juice," he mumbled. Apparently, Mr. Wheeler was under the impression that rubbing one's face with lemon juice rendered it invisible to videotape cameras. It's only a matter of time before I wear the juice, unless the impossible happens: people start criticizing me. At work, I never got a negative comment on a performance eval, or even any suggestions for improvement. I've gotten nothing but generic comments like "you're doing a great job. Keep it up" when I've pressed my bosses for useful feedback. Even if I could trust that type of comment, I wouldn't be satisfied with that. I don't want to do a great job. I want to do the best job anyone has ever done. But that type of comment can't be trusted; when someone says "great job", what they really mean is "not a horrendously bad job". I don't know anyone who has gotten negative feedback unless they were on the verge of getting fired. For all I know, I'm two missteps away from getting fired myself. Outside of work and school, where there is no risk of getting fired, no risk of getting an F, it's impossible to get negative feedback at all. Every time I hear you're doing a great job; it's not you, it's me; that correct, but I'm looking for something else; I want to shout "I'm not the same. I won't sue if you make a negative comment on my performance eval. I won't give you a bad eval if you correct me in class. I won't go into hysterics if you tell me why you can't stand me. Tell me what you really think. Be honest". But I don't. Instead, I do what everyone else does. I adulterate criticism that isn't directed at friends. I rarely correct people, even when they contradict empirical fact, or reason from logical fallacies. I used to, but at some point I decided that it isn't worth the cost.
At a club the other night, I saw a girl wearing a pin that said "Ask me to dance. I'll say yes". Perhaps I should start wearing a pin that says "Criticize me. I won't explode".
