ooohhh heres another:

The universe is a race between software-programmers making bigger, and better idiot-proof systems, and the universe producing bigger and better idiots.

so far, the universe is winning.

I'm just like a super hero... but without any super powers or motivation- Some T-shirt I saw
I do care I'm just lazy-T-shirt
There are two types of people I hate raciest and those stupid germens-No idea

"I may look like I have no arms, but the terran alliance have a long reach!" -alan bradley

or some such thing.
my favourite galciv quote

I'd kill for a Nobel peace prize.

"Satire is a sort of glass, wherein beholders do generally discover everybody's face but their own."
~Jonathan Swift

“The bureaucracy is expanding, to meet the needs of the expanding bureaucracy.”
~Unknown

It's rather too long to copy paste, but here is a link Link

A very long post on a CoH forum, that is laugh-out-loud funny.

Time is an Illusion, Lunchtime doubly so... - Unknown

It's My way or, aw the hell with it, it's MY way... - Starlost

Never trust anything that can bleed for a week and not die - Unknown

Never Fear Smith is Here. - Col. Zachary Smith - Johnathan Harris

Today is a good day to die.. - You pick any Klingon will say this..

Here comes another asshole - local Barstool

It's good to be the King - Mel Brooks

"I'm here to kick ass and chew gum, and I'm all outta gum" - Rowdy Roddy Piper - They Live

Donner Partry of 8, Donner Party of 7 Donner Party of 6, Donner Party of 5, Donner Party of 4, Donner Party of 3, Donner Party of 2, Donner Party of 1, Now where did they go? - Unknown

We're all pretty bizarre. Some of us are just better at hiding it, that's all. - Breakfast Club

That's no moon. It's a space station - Obi Wan

I'm not a crook, I'm ambitious. There's a difference. -Art Land

I want the people to know that they still have 2 out of 3 branches of the government working for them, and that ain't bad. - President Dale - Mars Attacks

Now, don't you worry. The saucers are up there. The graveyard is out there. But I'll be locked up safely in there - Paula Trent - Plan 9 From Outter Space

Invention, my dear friends, is 93% perspiration, 6% electricity, 4% evaporation, and 2% butterscotch ripple. - Willy Wonka

You are certainly the most distinguished group of highway scofflaws and degenerates ever gathered together in one place - Unknown

"Why do you always find what you're looking for in the last place you look? Because you stop looking once you find it."

Me

...but probably someone else before.

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain and most fools do. - Benjamin Franklin

They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety. - Benjamin Franklin

To find out a girl's faults, praise her to her girl friends. - Benjamin Franklin

They that will not be counseled, cannot be helped. If you do not hear reason she will rap you on the knuckles. - Benjamin Franklin

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes. - Benjamin Franklin

I prefer dangerous freedom over peaceful slavery. - Thomas Jefferson

The price of freedom is eternal vigilance. - Thomas Jefferson

It does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods or no god. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg. - Thomas Jefferson

I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them.
- Thomas Jefferson

Time is an Illusion, Lunchtime doubly so...- Unknown

That's Ford Prefect, from the Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

"Life is a question you answer by living."

Time to unleash SCREAMING TEMPORAL DOOM!!!! -ZIM!!
The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incominf friendly fire - unknown,saw it on a poster

Commited to a life of slavery
In the factories our own hands have built
Where we must work twice the graft
Before gaining the goods we've already slogged to create

To consume all things material
Stands above human compassion
As we compete with our fellow man
In the bid for a stronger position

In our ruthless search for prosperity
We become the tools of our own oppression
Forming the backbone of a society
That thrives on mass division

From enslavement...
To obliteration...

"from enslavement to obliteration", napalm death

WHYYYYYYYYY my piggy?! I loveded you piggy, I loveded yoooooouuuuu...
-gir, invader zim

"Don't ask me, ask the dirty chicken....look, his head comes off and you can use it as a grappling hook.."
"Thats....an odd thing for a chicken to do" -Invader zim

Yeah i love zim...

ah yes Ford Prefect your right on the money there!


There's a little nerd in everyone.. - Lewis Scholnick

Nerd used to be just a 4 letter word now it's a 6 figure income... - Unknown

Red sand between my toes; Summer vacation in outer space. - Robin Williams

After all as a very wise man once told me, the chicken is not infrequently the true dove of peace. - Uncle Martin

heh! I see a list of Murphy's War laws already

Friendly fire - isn't.
Recoilless rifles - aren't.
Suppressive fires - won't.
You are not Superman; Marines and fighter pilots take note.
A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down.
If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.
Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you.
If at first you don't succeed, call in an air strike.
If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short.
Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself.
Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.
The enemy diversion you're ignoring is their main attack.
The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions:
when they're ready.
when you're not.
No OPLAN ever survives initial contact.
There is no such thing as a perfect plan.
Five second fuses always burn three seconds.
There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.
A retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping.
The Ol' Ranger's addendum:
Or else they're trying to suck you into a serious ambush!
The important things are always simple; the simple are always hard.
The easy way is always mined.
Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at.
Don't look conspicuous; it draws fire. For this reason, it is not at all uncommon for aircraft carriers to be known as bomb magnets.
Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you.
If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in the combat zone.
When you have secured the area, make sure the enemy knows it too.
Incoming fire has the right of way.
No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.
No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat.
If the enemy is within range, so are you.
The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
Things which must be shipped together as a set, aren't.
Things that must work together, can't be carried to the field that way.
Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support.
Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather, and especially during both.)
Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing.
Make it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you won't be able to get out.
Tracers work both ways.
If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will get more than your fair share of objectives to take.
When both sides are convinced they're about to lose, they're both right.
Professional soldiers are predictable; the world is full of dangerous amateurs.
Military Intelligence is a contradiction.

Murphy's Lotto Laws

You check the paper and find that you have all six numbers, but then you find the newspaper misprinted two of the numbers.

The Jackpot gets to $40,000,000 and the numbers match all the numbers on your lotto slip, but you forgot to buy your ticket.

The Jackpot gets to $40,000,000 and you finally win, then you find out 3,000 other people also won first place.

You match 4 numbers, but you lost your ticket.

You've been playing the same numbers in the Lotto since it beginning. Then they change the Lotto game saying it's what the people wanted
(You know it's just to make it harder to win so they can make more money).

The only time you win, it's a pitifully small amount.

Your spouse wins, then leaves you.

You finally hit it big, then you find out all the friends you never had.

You finally hit it big, then you die the same day.

Whoever wins either is already rich or has won at least once before.

"No matter where you go, There you are.." Buckaroo Banzai

Sounds almost like something Yogi Berra would say...

Some more Yogi-isms

"This is like deja vu all over again."

"You can observe a lot just by watching."

"You've got to be very careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there."

"I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early."

"You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six."

"Baseball is 90% mental -- the other half is physical."

"It was impossible to get a conversation going; everybody was talking too much."

"Slump? I ain't in no slump. I just ain't hitting."

"A nickel isn't worth a dime today."

"Nobody goes there anymore; it's too crowded."

"If you don't know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else."

"If you come to a fork in the road, take it."

There are some pretty good ones here, here is a few: (WARNING: these may tick off highly religious fan boys)

"Jesus don't walk on water anymore, his feet leak."- Edward Abbey

"Is there a god? maybe, is there an angry unicorn on the dark side of the moon?"- Edward Abbey

"It may be true that my desk here is really "nothing but" a transient eddy of electrons in the flux of universal process. Nevertheless, I find that it continues to support my feet, my revolver, and my cigars all day long. What happens when my back is turned I don't know. Or much care. That's no concern of mine."-Edward Abbey

"If people persist in trespassing upon the grizzlies' territory, we must accept the fact that the grizzlies, from time to time, will harvest a few trespassers."-Edward Abbey

"It may be true that there are no atheists in foxholes. But you don't find many Christians there, either. Or, about as many of one as the other."-Edward Abbey

And my favorite...

"Fire lookout, 1400 hours, ferocious lightning storm. Me and God. That f***** is trying to get me again, God damn him. But I got me old .357...."-Edward Abbey

*Warning May Insult Religious People*

Religion tuaght us to love, but it also tuaght us how to hate.-Me

Religion is a reason to live, i got no reason to live.-Me

Who says Jesus is white? He's from the middle east!-Me

Christians say not to judge, but when i say i shouldn't have to praise god to get to heaven they say i will go to hell-Me

God is a symbolic icon to give us ignorant humans a reason to do good, good was defined by god, and so was evil. So what is good if god is lying?-Me

Im not proud to be American.-Me

You ask me how i live without a purpose? Perhaps i dont need that much confidence.-Me

Sometimes i think the surest sign there is intellegent life out there is that they hav'nt tried to contact us.-Calvin-Calvin and Hobbes

"I'm not usually a religous man, but if you're up there, save me superman!"
Homer Simpson

A good friend will come bail you out of jail.. But a true friend will be sitting next to you saying.. we screwed up. - Unknown   <-- maybe the smiley wrote it. 

Warning... may offend fans of science... But, I felt like balancing the karma of this thread. Intended only in good fun. And, because I like to poke fun at myself.

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." Albert Einstein.

"You are living proof of Einstein's Theory of Infinity." Me, once said to a teacher.

"'Religion: noun. 2: a personal set or institutionalized system of religious attitudes, beliefs, and practices. 4: a cause, principle, or system of beliefs held to with ardor and faith.' 'Religious: adjective. 1: relating to or manifesting faithful devotion to an acknowledged ultimate reality or deity.' Okay, after looking at those definitions, how can you tell me that science is not just another religion? If you honestly don't think religion can fail to change and adapt rapidly as new facts come out, you've obviously never talked to a Wiccan." One of my braver classmates, confronting a biology professor. She got bonus points for managing to prove him wrong using his set standards. And she's wanting to become a physicist...

"A good friend will help you bury the body. A great friend will be splattered with blood when you kill him." I don't remember who said this one...

Now let's a-holy crap-get to bessiness!

-Strong Bad

One more: AaAaAaAa! I'm a soong from the sixties!
-Homsar

"The problem with trying to make things idiot-proof is that they keep making better idiots"

"The problem with making things childproof is that only children can open them."